(I wrote this back in February and am finally posting it.)
There are moments in life when you realize something and you think to yourself, “How did I not see this before? This seems like something I should have known.” Well, here I am in the midst of one of those moments wondering how I missed the huge bit of information before. Are you wondering what the revelation is yet? Just warning you, this revelation has the power to rock your whole brain if you believe it, so read only if you’re ready for a brain explosion.
I am complete all by myself!
There it is! Does your cranium hurt yet? Probably not, but let me explain why this changed everything and hopefully by the end it will have some meaning for you too.
Everyone has seen, heard quoted or quoted the scene from Jerry McGuire where Tom Cruise says to Renée Zellweger. “You complete me,” right?
Sorry, pause for a funny side note. I had heard this quoted a million times and had fantasized about how that scene must have played out, remember I was a young girl when it came out and in love with Tom Cruise so putting a picture to the quote was acceptable, but still a little creepy. I finally saw the movie just recently and all my little girl dreams were shattered. Just kidding, I thought it was hilarious. The scene takes place in the middle of a divorcee meeting. They are standing across the room from each other saying “Shut up, you had me at hello,” with a plethora of bitter, divorced women awkwardly watching. So not what I imagined! Ok hilarious side note over, back to the complete idea. Not only is this idea that you are not complete without a mate all over movies but it is pretty much the topic of almost every love song. Example: Keith Urban, “Baby you’re my better half.”
A few years ago my sister, who is a music therapist and is always doing sneaky therapy on me (which I love), asked me to put my life into colors on a sheet of round paper, called a Mandala.
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| An example of one of the Mandalas my sister uses in therapy. This one was done by her husband, Bennett. |
When I was finished she asked, a little surprised and concerned, “What is that big black hole over there?” I said, matter-o-factly, that is the part of my life I am missing, my husband and family. She asked me a few questions, to try and get me to see that there was something wrong with that idea, but my synaptic gaps obviously did not make a connection out of what she was saying.
Not to worry, there was still hope for me.
So there I was, all 23 years of my life waiting for this back hole to be filled, feeling totally incomplete without it, when suddenly it was gone after a very wise man said to me, “My wife complements me, she does not complete me.” It clicked and changed everything in less than five seconds.
I was thinking: Holy crap, how have I read that so many times in my marriage and family manual without ever realizing the significance of that word? Adam and Eve were helpmates, companions or helpers, for one another. It does not say they completed one another. I believe in marriage. It is something I want dearly. I believe I cannot make it back to my God without it. It is necessary and it will help me complete my life goals. But what I am trying to say is that with or without a family I am complete. I am a whole person. It feels so wonderful to write that! My happiness no longer depend on whether or not I get married. I am taking control of this situation and making my life as happy as possible. When I find someone I want them to join me on my journey, not start it.
Here is a recent quote from Elder Uchtdorf, a twelve apostle, that I think sums all of this up quite nicely.
"So many people today are waiting for their own golden ticket—the ticket that they believe holds the key to the happiness they have always dreamed about. For some, the golden ticket may be a perfect marriage; for others, a magazine-cover home or perhaps freedom from stress or worry.
There is nothing wrong with righteous yearnings—we hope and seek after things that are “virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy.” The problem comes when we put our happiness on hold as we wait for some future event—our golden ticket—to appear.
...if we spend our days waiting for fabulous roses, we could miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around us.
This is not to say that we should abandon hope or temper our goals. Never stop striving for the best that is within you. Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. But don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life."
